Domination and submission. Bondage. Degredation. Pain. Spanking. Control. Denial. Chastity. Obedience. Choking. Watersports.
Not exactly words or deeds one would associate with a loving, sensitive, compassionate relationship between two people very much in love. I know my parents would totally have freaked out at the thought of me engaging in any of these things. They were total prudes, of course, but many relatively sexually liberated people also have little understanding or tolerance for the type of relationship I have with my husband (Including those tittering with secret delight at Fifty Shades of Grey, as if it represented anything but the adolescent fantasies of a particularly immature and inept writer) . Since we keep it in the dark from everyone but Tumblr, it doesn’t technically matter, but it does mean, like so many minorities, we have to hide who we are and what we do. That’s sad. To be with others who share what we do, we would have to frequent places that would be safer, less peculiar, were our lifestyle truly socially acceptable. But those who love Fifty Shades would be quite frightened of the reality of slavery as I and many other experience it, just like the average person. They want a taste of naughtiness, but not the real thing.
It’s annoying and frustrating to read and hear about D/s from people who have no idea what it is like yet claiming to be experts on the basis of such drivel. They have a safe masturbation fantasy, but will be happy to put a scarlet letter on anyone whom they catch actually doing the very things they flicked their clits to.
The relationship I have with my husband is most certainly not abusive. I’m not brainwashed, co-dependent, or desperate. Long before my husband ever touched me I knew I was submissive. Or I should say, I was sexually submissive but didn’t recognize it as such until I began my relationship with my husband. I was aroused at situations that felt, for lack of a better word, dangerous. Perhaps a mental and inhibition challenge might better describe it. I like to be pushed to do the socially taboo. To do things I think I don’t want to. I like to give that control to someone, but not anyone. Someone I trust will push me, but not break me. There is always a risk. But then vanilla relationships are fraught with risks of heartache, embarrassment, and emotional pain.
My husband gives me love and affection daily. And not the affection induced by guilt offered by a violent alcoholic after beating his wife, but of a man who loves the woman who is with him. I experience more tenderness and genuine love in a day than I see countless others enjoy in a month. Submission does not create that, but it does enable it. Just as it enables my love, respect and devotion to be experienced all the more strongly for the man I married.
Drinking pee and having my butt spanked are not the end, but just the vehicle by which we push, grow and stretch ourselves and our relationship. I chose the photo above for this post because it represents what I believe is a true reflection of us. Close. Intimate. Mutually supportive. And tender. It’s what love is all about, and in this we are the same as any happy vanilla couple.
This is not a compromise, subordinating our D/s relationship. It’s the essence of it.